Lumuhuku

Arbitary Obsessionist's Blog : Ambition is redundant. In life, mission is everything.

Posts Tagged ‘capitalism

Laughing at Wall Street

with 3 comments

I was looking for a picture of ‘laughing’ Bernanke for this post. I couldn’t find one while searching on Google ;-) Now that’s understandable. So I used the one below (Check the top left corner of the pic and laugh more :-)  )

Wall Street Humor

These are some of the ‘laughables’ that have been circulating on email forwards for some time now.

Q: What is the definition of optimism?
A: An investment banker ironing five shirts on a Sunday night

Q: What is the one thing Wall St and the Olympics have in common?
A: Synchronized diving

Q: What is the difference between a pigeon and a merchant banker?
A: A pigeon can still put a deposit on a Ferrari

Q: How many commodities traders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they don’t change bulbs; but the trading price of darkness plummets due to oversupply

President Bush said clients shouldn’t be concerned by all these bank closings. “If the bank is closed, you just use the ATM!”

George Bush said that he is saddened to hear about the demise of Lehman brothers… His thoughts at this time go out to their mother as losing one son is hard but losing two is a tragedy.

The problem with investment bank balance sheets is that on the left side nothing is right and on the right side nothing is left.

There are 30 billion prime numbers below 700 billion. The rest are all subprime.

Why are all MBAs going back to school? To ask for their money back.

For Geography students: What’s the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty…

A trader: “This is worse than a divorce. I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife.”

What’s the difference between a guy who just lost everything in Vegas and an investment banker? A tie.

What’s the difference between a bond and a bond trader? A bond matures.

Lehman have changed their recommendation on Lehman from hold to sell. ;-)

Forty years ago I sold fifty shares of my company stock and had enough money to purchase a brand-new 1967 Ford pickup. Last week, I checked it out, and if I sold another fifty shares, I’d have enough money to buy a 1967 Ford pickup. So, the market has stablised

CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET – A 6-18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING – The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO – The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER – What my stockbroker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR – On Wall Street, it’s “standard” for their clients to be “poor”, thus “Standard & Poor”.

STOCK ANALYST – Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT – When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER – A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION – The day after you buy stocks. ;-)

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT — An ancient word no longer in use.

CAPITALISM — What Republicans said wanted before they got hit by losses and embraced the Socialistic “bailout”.

MOMENTUM INVESTING – The fine art of buying high and selling low

‘BUY, BUY’ – A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane

WARREN BUFFET – Where God goes for a loan ;-)


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