Archive for the ‘India’ Category
Bastard whose ’surname’ I don’t know. First one can be any other abuse you plan hurling at him
One of my colleagues is from the state of Bihar (This post is not about him). He just came back from his home there, and was narrating an incident to me. The incident was an example of a very common activity that happens there, during the funeral procession.
Read it and you will understand the aptness of the title of this post.
When a person dies there, a funeral procession is carried out. A lot of people gather and take the body for cremation. Now this procession travels through roads of the villages which have got some shops. Some of these shops belong to the typical Munims and Zamindaars. What these people do is that they send there people to these processions to gather all the information about the deceased person like his financial status, ownerships of land, cows and his problems and other pity details..
[Now comes the terrible part]
Now after a few days, these people send their men to the family of the deceased and tell them that the person who has just died had taken money from them (!) (Although he never had!!), which needs to be returned, and that too with unimaginable rates of interest. And to make themselves sound authentic, they have ready reference of all the information that they had collected in funeral procession. The family members, being uneducated and ill-informed, have no choice but to believe these bastards. And they call this process as “Murde is paise banana” (Making money from the dead).
I have nothing else to say.
Gujarati Of The Year 2008
Unanimously, the Gujarati Of The Year 2008 Award goes to Mamata Banarjee.
For single handedly bringing the mother plant of TATA’s NANO to Gujarat.
Apart from the cash incentives, she will also receive a customized TATA NANO as a tribute, from Mr. Ratan Tata.
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24 Things Indians Love : No 20. – Moustaches
Though the amount of facial hair on Indian males is on a decline in bigger Metropolitans, you can still find the majority of guys flashing moustaches in most of the Indian cities and villages. In India, if you move about in a market for a while, 70% of the guys you come across will have some or the other kind of facial hair. Let alone men, even the women sometimes consider it too much of a botheration to get their face waxed! So, why do men sport a bush above their upper lips? Do Indian ladies fancy men with moustaches? Is it the ultimate symbol of masculinity? Does it require too much of an effort to shave daily? I leave the answer to this questions to the readers…
The list of “24 things Indians love” continues –
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24 Things Indians Love : No. 21 – Queues
Now, in India, nobody can miss a queue. Each & every Indian, in his life, has atleast once been a part of the queue. Indians just love it. And if you want to see the real Indian UNITY IN DIVERSITY, just see a queue of people. You will see every ‘kind’ of Indian. Each and every person will tell you about his ideas of why the queues are bad, how to break a queue and take a quicker route, and stuffs. Wherever you go, whatever you do in India, there will always be a queue, to be a part of.
Now, this queuing up is not a patent of the poor. If you have to get some work done, which is concerned with government, then god help you. Even government wants you to be a part of a queue. There are queues of pending cases in courts, there are queues of people in shops, there are queues of people in banks, there are queues of people to worship in temples and mosques and even queues of people for using public toilets!!
We can very proudly say that if China has The Great Wall of China, then we have The Great Queues of India
The list of “24 things Indians love” continues –
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The Indian Engineering Preamble
Now this is from my engineering days, and I remember that when we (friends) read this engineering preamble (came as SMS), we customized the original one according to our needs and ‘officially’ pinned this onto our college notice board as our CAREER PREAMBLE!! (Though it was removed by the authorities soon).
It went like this…
= = = = = = = = THE INDIAN ENGINEERING PREAMBLE = = = = = = = =
We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, doing the impossible for the ungrateful, have solemnly resolved to constitute India into a “CROWDED WITH TOO MANY ENGINEERS” Overpopulated Republic, and to snatch as many jobs as possible from the people of US. We have done so much for so long with so little knowledge that we will one day qualify to do anything with knowing nothing.
IN OUR Engineering Convocation Ceremony, this ______ ______ day of _________, 2008, do HEREBY ADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS DEGREE.
Hey you engineers…what say??
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24 Things Indians Love : No. 22 – Bargaining
Now this is a definite fact that if you don’t haggle or bargain in India, it is highly likely that you will end paying more than the stuff is worth. This is because vendors expect a bit of haggling and state their prices higher than what they expect to receive.
Bargaining is actually in blood of India and it is not regarded as a lowly deed here. Even the Hotmail founder Sabeer Bhatia, credited the bargaining skills he learned in local vegetable markets for getting Microsoft to push its acquisition price for his company from $160 million to $400 million.
There may be times when you get around 70% off than the originally stated price!!
If the price is not labeled, don’t buy till you get atleast 30% off. 
And if you want to get a still better deal, just throw in a lot of “IT’S TOO HIGH” in your conversation. Indians are always ready to leave the shop (even when they desperately want to buy the stuff) – just to show that they are not interested and can get a much better deal in neighboring shops.
And if you see that the salesman in the shop is smiling, when you are leaving – then its obvious who has won the deal…
The list of “24 things Indians love” continues –
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139 year old man’s gift to a nation!!
No he is not alive, else he would have been staring at us from the pages of Guinness Book of World Records.
I am talking about Mr. Mahatma Gandhi. 2nd October 2008 is going to be his 139th birth anniversary. So what is so special about this 2nd October this time?
“Government of India has banned smoking in ‘Public Places’ from 2nd October 2008 onwards.”
I could not or rather we could not have asked for a better gift (return gift) than this.
Now this is really cool. I could never understand or comprehend the pleasures one got from smoking. Never. Atleast, now we can stop other ‘chimneys’ from opening their firepits in public.
Let’s celebrate this event with this awesomely and most aptly decorated cake…
Yes…even putting up of candles was avoided. The reason being that no smoker should be encouraged to smoke by seeing the candle flames…
After first banning smoking in public places, what next can be done by the government…
Make every place a public place
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